Paddie McLongjohns' freak-show fat mother is always threatening to shoot me in the face

Paddie McLongjohns' freak-show fat mother is possibly the meanest woman I have ever met. Just about every time I see her, she threatens to shoot me, usually in the face. This is a typical exchange between us: "Hey, Big Dummy," she'd call me. "How's you like it if'n I shots you in the face?" To which I reply: "I don't think I'd like that too much, Ms. McLongjohns, if you don't mind me saying." "I do mind," she'd respond. "I do mind, because I wants to shoot you in the face somethin' terrible." How do you tell a woman like her that you ran over her cat a few weeks ago? Should I just blame it on the deaf kid who lives down the street? How do you think that would play out?