Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Apparently, my mommy and General Yammy Hammy's unborn baby is at risk for 11 different undesirable conditions

Because of my mommy's advanced age and because General Yammy Hammy's DNA strands more resemble slip knots than double helixes, their unborn baby is, according to their doula, at high risk for the following 11 different undesirable conditions:

Cranial Indentia
Chronic Hyper Flatuputresence
Bucktoothitis
von Flabflauchflisen's disease
Inverted kneecap lymphoma
Googly Eye Syndrome (or GES, pronounced Jees!)
Accute Hirsute Arthritis (commonly known as Hairy Joints)
Puss Scab Smell Fart Disease
Emotional Cancer
Rectal Squirtspew
British teeth

Hopefully, she'll avoid most of these, but we're bracing ourselves for the worst. But, God, in case you're reading this blog, please, please spare her the Puss Scab Smell Fart Disease. We can tolerate a bucktooth, head indented, rectal squirtspewer, but I'm not sure we're ready for that.

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