I woke up this morning sitting on top of a bicycle

You'll never believe where I found myself this morning when I woke up. That's right, sitting atop my mommy's bicycle in the garage with both hands on the handlebars. It's actually more of a tricycle, the kind made for really old people who no longer have the faculties to balance on two wheels. I awoke because my mommy was screaming at me from the other room. "Hey, skin-head fur-face, I need cigarettes, now!" It's not the way anyone wants to be woken up in the morning, but seeing that I was already mounted on a mode of transportation, my trip to the store to get my mommy her Newports was conveniently made quicker and easier. I hit the automatic garage door opener and off I rolled. I'll deal with my complete nakedness and lack of money later, I thought as I pedaled down the driveway. I'm an improviser.