My step father and I are trying to figure out what I should call him

I never would have believed that my mother, at 64, was still capable of dropping eggs, but based on the news I heard this weekend, she is. My mommy and the old timer from the Y are going to have a baby together and, if that wasn't enough, they ran off last night and got married. So, the old timer from the Y and I had an awkward conversation at the breakfast table this morning about what name I would now call him.
"How about 'Dad'?" he started off.
"No fucking way," I replied.
"How about 'Pops'?"
"No."
"'Papi'?"
"No."
""Floppy Poppy'?"
"What?! No."
"'Uncle Clock Face'?"
"That doesn't make any sense."
"How about 'Old Man Sag Bag'?"
"No."
"How about 'Rock Hard'? That's what your mommy calls me."
"So help me, old man, I will cut your fingers off if you keep that shit up."
"How about 'Steve McQueer'?"
"No."
"Rikki-Tikki-Avacado'?"
"No."
"How about General Yammy Hammy, Commander of the 24th Infantry Division in My Pants'?"
"Yeah, okay," I agreed reluctantly. "I guess that sounds fine."