That old timer from the Y is dating my mommy

Do you remember that old timer from the Y who peppered me with his toenail clippings? The one who kept calling me "Curlie-Girlie" because of my perm? Well, that old bitch has apparently started dating my mommy. I walked into my livingroom yesterday and found them arguing, toe to toe. She slapped him so hard that his fake teeth went flying across the room. They stared at each other for a few moments - both teethless now, as my mommy never wears falsies - and then they clutched each other and started ferociously tongue kissing. Their hands were pawing, grabbing, scratching, slapping at each other. Hair was being pulled, mid sections were pumping wildly. "What the fuck?" I asked increduously. My mommy pulled away from the old timer for a brief moment. "Honey," she said as she dragged him toward the couch, "mommy's gonna do some lovin' here, so why don't you be a sweatheart and go sit on the stoop for a few minutes, okay?" I went outside and sat on the front step, trying to block out the unmistakable sounds of lovemaking taking place behind the door. After about 15 minutes, the old timer screams, "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" That son of a bitch stole my line, I thought. "That's my line," I screamed as I pounded on the door. "My line, God damn it!"